Digital Parents, CDT's a nonprofit? –– Talking Tech w/ Stephen Balkam & Abbie Goliber
Stephen Balkam, founder and CEO of the Family Online Safety Institute (FOSI), joins host Brian Wesolowski to talk about the resources and program they've put together on Good Digital Parenting.<br><br>ALSO – we talk a lot about the the important tech policy work CDT does on this podcast, but we don't often talk about how that work is funded. Yes, we are a nonprofit organization that doesn’t sell widgets or direct services. Abbie Goliber, CDT's Director of Development, pulls back the curtain on how we're able to do the kind of work we're known for.<br><br>Additional info about Stephen Balkam: http://bit.ly/2cl4pIW<br> ... and the Family Online Safety Institute's Digital Parenting tools: https://www.fosi.org/gdppresentation<br>@StephenBalkam || @FOSI <br><br>Attribution: sounds used from Psykophobia, Taira Komori, BenKoning, Zabuhailo, bloomypetal, guitarguy1985, bmusic92, and offthesky of freesound.org.
Top Keywords
- good digital 0.010
- parent 0.009
- kids 0.008
- good 0.007
- phone 0.006
- parents 0.006
- digital parent 0.006
- development 0.005
- digital 0.005
- child 0.005
- digital parenting 0.005
- parenting 0.005
Transcript
Welcome to Tech Talk. Bye. See. Tea.
It's back to school time. And whether you're a parent or a proud uncle like me, you'll want to know what the smart people at the Family Online Safety Institute have to say about good digital parenting. And we'll pull back the curtain on what it takes to keep the doors open at a non profit organization
If
If you're a parent, you've probably finished all the back to school shopping, wiped away the tears, perhaps tears of joy, and sent the kiddos back to school. Yes. You, in fact, are a super parent. But are you a super digital parent? Digital parent? For many, that may seem like a greater challenge than helping with math or science. But thanks to our good friends at the Family Online Safety Institute, you too can be a good digital parent or grandparent or aunt or uncle like myself. Joining Tech Talk today to talk about some of the incredible resources and their program on good digital parenting is the founder and CEO of Fosse, Stephen Balcom. Welcome to Tech Talk, Stephen. Thanks so much for having me. We just had a great catch up of our time. We met years ago back in my days in Qatar and great catch up. So always good to have you on the show. Likewise. Because this is your first time. So we'll have you on many times again. Thank you. So you've created a really great program here, Good Digital Parenting, which I wanna dig into a bit. But first, give me the top level. What is a good digital parent?
Well, I think we should probably call it the good enough digital parent because you can never be the perfect one. You can never I mean, you're always as a parent, being humbled by what your kids and teens, present you with. So but I think there's a sense that, parents are struggling under the avalanche, the tsunami of digital equipment and devices and apps that are coming at them and also at a younger and younger age. I mean, when I first got started on all of this area back in the mid nineties, you know, it was the struggle about teens and teens access to this new thing called the World Wide Web. Well, now we're considering should I buy a tablet for my two year old? There is a potty training app, you know, for the I swear to God for the nine month olds and you know, what it and what's the difference between screen time and screen use? This is by the way something that the American Academy of Pediatrics are struggling with right now because their recommendations that go back to the late nineties was no screen for under two year olds. Well, of course, that was in the era of television. That's what they were referring to. So we're all from the from the pros down to just ordinary parents are all struggling with this balance issue of digital devices in our lives.
So you put together seven steps to try to make it good enough. Right? Although I like good better. Let's try for really good. Go through these a little bit. Like, what are the seven steps or highlight some of the steps for us if we're trying to be good digital. Sure. And all of this, of course, you can find on fosy.org, on our website. Stuff. Check it out.
The number one and actually it's hardly a surprise, but number one is talk with your kids. Sit down with them, have a good open honest conversation about what's going on with their phones, what's going on with their tablets and so on. Now this is not the birds and the bees talk. This is not a one and done. This is probably gonna go on probably on a yearly basis all the way through until you drop them off at college. And having just dropped my youngest daughter off at college, it actually Congratulations. Thank you. It continues even into college, believe it or not, when you're actually dealing with, data overuse and God knows what. So talk with your kids. Stay calm when you do it. If you lose it, they say they won't get it. So even if they bring to you difficult and challenging stuff that they have found online from pornography to violence to racist misogynist stuff, just try and remain calm. You know, it's pretty obvious for the younger set that you are going to use parental controls. There is no way on earth you're gonna hand a seven year old unfettered Internet access. There's just no way. But as they get older and let's say they get into the teen years, you're gonna probably start to shift from filtering to monitoring. After all, most 14, 15, 16 year olds can easily easily Google how to super how to super, how to go get get over parental controls. Yeah. But monitoring comes in viewing their history. There are many many different types of apps and devices that allow you to at least see where they've been, not necessarily exactly what they've said or done. Sure. Which goes to another of our points which is to friend and follow them in social media, but don't stalk them. The the issue here is that you know, when they reach the magic age of 13, which is by the way the age you're meant to be to get onto Facebook and onto Instagram and all the social media sites. Is that true across platforms mostly? 13. I know that a lot of the laws in terms of, you know, child rights and whatnot start at 13 or, you know, five. Well, it goes back to COPPA, the Child Online Privacy Protection Act, which interestingly enough has been taken up overseas in The UK and across Europe. Although Europe is now playing with that, age level as well. But it's pretty much the rule of thumb. Apart from the dating apps like Tinder and some of these more, say challenging apps that are out there that are more seventeen, eighteen, Most social media sites say 13. And you should be your kid's first friend on Facebook, on Twitter. They will probably hate it. They will probably resist that, but you might want to make it a a condition of them going, onto those sites. But if you are on there, just take it easy. Don't overstep the mark. Don't comment on every piece of it, every update they've done. Don't embarrass them, in other words. Right.
I've struggled with that. I have a nephew who is now 14 and,
some of the stuff he posts, I tell you, most of it's pretty good. He's a good kid. But, I I think I get a different a little more leeway than, as an uncle than a a grandparent. Yeah. Uncles, aunts, grandparents, they all get a they get a pass, but mom and dad not so much. Our recent research last year showed that ten percent of kids had asked their parents to take down something that they had posted on social media. Interesting. Either on their news feed or on on the parents website, sorry, Facebook page or whatever. So the yeah. There's a rising consciousness that, you know, there is a there is a balance here to be struck. My actual all time favorite of the seven is the very last one and which is to be a good digital role model yourself. Kids will do far more what you do than what you say to them to do. So if you are using expletives, if you are oversharing, if you are overusing social media, so will your kids. If they watch you texting at the stoplight, you know, when they hit 16, they're gonna do the same. So make sure that you find a way to put your devices down, create sacred spaces like dinner time when there are no devices. We highly advise that everyone, not just the kids, but the parents too, park their cell phones in a closet, and and and charge them up overnight, but don't use your cell phone as your alarm clock. That is the worst thing that you can do. Of course, there's an alarm on your phone, but if you do that then you will be checking email and Facebook and Instagram right until the last moment. And the very first thing you will do even before getting out of bed is getting back on your phone. And you know what? Your kids will watch you, they'll see it, they'll do the same. That is some great advice.
Question for you. I mean, I'm guessing a lot of parents struggle with how many social platforms there are, how many apps there are. Any advice for how to keep up with them? I mean, look at Pokemon Go. Right? You guys did a nice, couple of articles on that and what parents should know about that. But that kinda came out of nowhere, at least for me. How do you you know, you've got Snapchat in addition to Facebook and Twitter and Instagram, and then you get things like Pokemon Go and all these different, you know, villages you can create. How as a parent do you kinda stay abreast of all these things as they come at you so quickly and new ones pop up everywhere? Well, do you remember Myspace? Sure do. Sure. So Myspace
was that amazing new social media place that parents had to get to know, as well as those difficult pornographic sites. And that was kind of the sum total. Right? We also used to advise folks keep the computer in the in the late main living room, you know, so that you can keep an eye on where your kids are going. Well, all of that's been blown out of the water. Right. And this extraordinary explosion of not just social media sites but apps in particular, mean that you will never ever get to know all of the relevant sites and apps that your kids will use. That's why the number one tip which is to talk with your kids is so important. And by basically laying down the rules of the road that talk about, what is appropriate, what's inappropriate, for your family's values. Go online with your kids. Don't forget the phone that you have bought for your child and you're paying the monthly bill for, it it still is your is your phone. Your kid might be walking around with it, but it is your phone. I had a parent ask me at a PTA meeting recently, is it okay if I take my child's phone away? You know, if they're not doing their homework? I said, of course it is. She thought somehow that she would be stunting their child's growth or they would be missing some educational opportunity. No. They were missing an opportunity for having a boundary set and a sanction given if they, the kid, oversteps the mark. So, you know, just know and that's why I use the term good enough parent, just know that you will never know it all. But try and keep abreast of what it is that your child has on their phone,
and just turn just just keep that conversation going. Good advice. So you've already highlighted these a little bit, but you've mentioned, you know, teaching moments in there. And you mentioned one already. It's when your child turns 13, which is a great point. And then you also, on your resources, you mentioned one, the first phone that your child gets. What are some of the primary things you wanna be highlighting in those teaching moments?
Well, definitely before you hand over the phone to this child who is going to be itching to get it into his or her Oh, yes. Hands, you do have this extraordinary moment where you can sit down with them. Maybe you're gonna download a family safety contract like we have on our site and there's others, around the web. Maybe you're gonna set some time restrictions. Maybe you're gonna set some data restrictions. But sit down with them and say what is acceptable use of this phone or not. Oh, and by the way, if mom or dad calls, you answer.
You know Every single time. Right.
We are not like your friends. You can't avoid,
our calling you. And we're not just gonna text you. That's a big one too. Sometimes phone calls are answerable.
Right. And it's painful for a lot of kids to answer the phone. They've actually don't use phones for that purpose. It's quite extraordinary. But no, I think it's an an opportunity to say what we're handing you is a very big serious privilege. This is, and in particular if it's a smartphone, this is a supercomputer that has more, you know, capacity than NASA had to land man on the moon for heaven's sakes. You know, this is a very very serious thing we're giving you and with it comes some responsibilities. Don't overdo it either. I mean, don't make it feel like this is some dreadful moment that, you know, they should be scared about, but make sure that they're aware that this is a privilege, which, by the way, could be taken away if they muse misuse
it. That's great. So now I would definitely be failing CDT if I did not ask you about student privacy a bit. What as a parent are the things you should be thinking about in terms of, you know, your kid going back to school? What are the kids' privacy rights in relations to school, in relations to the data about them? Certainly a big topic right now. It really is. And and this is probably an even more difficult one for for ordinary parents to get their heads around.
Number one, get involved in your local PTA. I really really strongly advise you to do that because then you can start to open the question, with the parents and the teachers in the room. What is being done and used in this school? What are the apps? What are the devices and so on? And how is that data being stored? How is it being used? Are there any third parties that can gain access to my child's data? And you know, you probably won't get answers straight away. I know that a lot of teachers and their administrators are struggling with this issue and it's very possible that your school's policy could be evolving year by year. Also there's the school policy and then there might be the district's own policy, then there might be a state level policy, then there are federal laws that they have to adhere to. So not easy. That's why we are so strong on using the PTA as that forum. Everyone will have something to add to it. Everyone will have something that they can contribute, and maybe have to go away and do some homework on. Now while we're talking about PTAs, I do I do want to just mention that we've just launched at the National PTA a How to be a Good Digital Parent program. Oh, great. It's a downloadable series of PowerPoints. It's FAQs. It's a video instructional manual for how to run a good digital parenting evening in your school. Oh, that sounds fantastic. And, this is again a good place to raise the issue of student data privacy. It's free. Facebook and Google have sponsored it. It's downloadable from our site. And if you have any questions or whatever, please ask your listeners to get in touch with me. But Absolutely. We're very find us again what that website is. So it's fosi.org, f0si.0rg. And within it, there's the Good Digital Parenting link, right there on the home page. Okay. But we just think this is an country alone and that's in the public sector, never mind the private sector. So we developed this You can't go to all those. Not this year. Not possible. Okay. Not this year. Not this lifetime. So we decided to boil down our expertise into a relatively easy to follow series of PowerPoint slides. We have an instructional video, as I mentioned, FAQs. We have lots of handouts that you we will send you and you can print out in your own school. We'll even give you a marketing letter that you can send out to parents to encourage them to come. So that's our gift back to the,
to the parents of this country. That's impressive. Well, that is a great note to end it on. I've already forwarded your resources to both my sisters and their two kids so so they can watch their kids. Thank you so much, Steven. Pleasure to have you on Tech Talk. And like I said earlier, earlier, I hope to have you back again soon. Well, can't wait. Thanks for having me on. We have talked a lot about the important tech policy work CDT does on this podcast, but what we have not talked about is how that work is funded. Yes. We are a nonprofit organization that doesn't sell widgets or direct services. We work in the wonky, messy, complex world of policy. And this work requires brilliant people with salaries and benefits. It requires office space for meetings and convenings. And we do have an incredible new office if you haven't checked it out yet. And it requires the technology to connect with our colleagues and partners around the world. Abby Goliber is CVT's director of development. She's been with us. How long you've been with us, Abby? Five months. Five months. And she is a regular guest on other podcasts. So I thought it would be amazing to have her here on Tech Talk, share a bit of her charm, and also give us that insight into how the world of nonprofit fundraising works. Welcome to the show, Abby. Thank you. I have to pleasure to be here. Oh, it should be. And, of course, I have to thank you for, me having a job because without you, I would not have a salary, and I'd have to be looking, elsewhere. And before we talk about it, this is such a great chance to, like, say thank you to our supporters. Right? A podcast. We're talking about development. So thank you to, all our diverse supporters, foundations, individuals, corporations, and, you know, that occasional surprise, I pray that we get. So first, tell me about, like, how you got into current
development. Well, I think like a lot of people, I fell into it. I was at a nonprofit and I knew I was not made for the program side of things. I'm more of a generalist and don't like to get too, deep into the nitty gritty on just one subject. And there was an opening. So I started doing development at a human rights organization called Freedom House and fell in love with it right away. So there I was doing primarily foundations and corporations. I moved on to another human rights organization where I did, the entire development, team. I did foundations, corporations and individuals, and then found myself at a, regional nonprofit doing development work. And now I'm at CDT.
That's great. So with all these different types of organizations, although it sounds like most were pretty grounded in human rights basics, do you have philosophy of fundraising that you bring to your job?
I do. And it is a stolen philosophy from a a great book called the generosity network. And the generosity network kind of moves away from, the very strict money centric. I say this and it does get some development professionals mad that more used car salesman development, and makes it more, takes development as a more open, conversational type of discipline. And how I see development is bringing people together who are intent on solving the same problem or fulfilling the same mission. And you need all types of people. You need people who are the money people. You need people who are partners, who have the talent, the expertise, the time. So bringing all those people together in order to make the greatest impact. So I see it more as, a conversation and relationship building and and it does sound contradictory but not just raising money.
That does make sense. So, you know, it's it's probably unlikely that you would have like your standard CDT pitch if you're going to a bunch of people in a different way. Right. And you're trying to form partnerships.
Right. Yeah. So, I mean, you should always have your elevator pitch just in case you find yourself, you know, sitting next to somebody on a plane or in an elevator. But it really depends who you're talking to. So if you're talking to somebody who's kind of in the space and knows knows who you are and what you do, it can be more general or you can send specific papers or programs, there are ways, what they're interested in and focusing on. If it's somebody who doesn't know anything about, either CDT or or what tech policy is or means generally, I usually like to start a conversation and and ask a question, you know, like, what do you think about phone wiretapping? And most people are against that, and then you start a conversation about privacy and email, or talking about some of the, the bigger cases that have happened this year in in this country and abroad. I mean, it starts the conversation, and usually it can be a a debate or an argument even, but it's a good way to get the conversation started. And at the end of it, I can say, this is what we do. We try to figure out these very nuanced complex problems, and we try to bring, together people from all sides and all industries in order to land on a policy position.
Yeah. And you probably have a lot of same challenges that I have in a communications role in that, you know, we have these really deep smart experts working on issues and in our roles we kind of need to know a little bit of it all to have those sort of conversations to be literate. You know, in your case to to keep the organization up and running and in my case to to communicate. All of those often go hand in hand. So can you tell me a little bit about the challenges that you face in terms of fundraising for a policy organization like ours as opposed to something, you know, a more traditional nonprofit that say provides a direct service, like delivers food or something like that. Sure. I've done mainly advocacy organizations, but my my last, position was at a direct service organization.
There's challenges to each, but a lot of the policy shops and think tanks, and advocacy organizations, we don't the impact we're going for is long term. So you you need both. You need the direct service organizations who solve problems that are immediately in front of them, feeding the homeless or educating children, or caring for people. But you also need more of the, the long term, nonprofits, and and that's what advocacy organizations and policy shops do. But it takes a very long time. And if you're trying to do something like bring democracy to a to a country or solve a very complex tech policy question, or or promote human rights in a country that has never had, you know, human rights for women or children or whatever group. It takes a long time. And in fact, most of us won't live to see the impact of our work. So it's sometimes hard to convince funders, who in this day and age are are very, focused on outputs and outcomes and evaluation and numbers to find something where they're we're not gonna have that those mechanisms, which is why our funders on the flip side, it's so great. The funders who do get it, get it, and they do become true partners, because they do understand what you're trying to do. And you're trying to change the underlying systems of problems and not just the immediate problems.
So, you touched on this a little bit. Partners, you know, donors as partners. What would you say makes a positive, you know, nonprofits, donor relationship?
Sure. I I I think, again, a lot of development people will say, you know, just give me the money and stay out of it. And that's fine too. If somebody wants to write us a check and not hear from us the rest of the year, we're not gonna say no to that. But I do like the more partnership model, and I and I know it's a bit cliche these days. But if we're trying to make a true impact, having those conversations, including with the funding community, will help make that impact greater because they have different ideas. They have different perspectives. They have different connections. We were talking to a funder last month or or not a funder yet, soon to be a funder, who they had the same questions we did. And it was just such an exciting conversation. It was supposed to be a half hour call. It turned into an hour and a half, and just a very, open conversation about what questions needed to be asked and how we go about asking them and then answering them. And that was super exciting for me, and that is the the type of of relationship I like to have with with our funders, our supporters, where they feel like they are involved in what we're doing and and have a voice and, are bought into it. Because they're more likely to stay on as a funder then and not just a one off, you know, gift that maybe not, may not have as much of an impact as,
continuous gifts. Cool. So a little kind of wonky technical question and this is, you know, mostly for people that, may not be as familiar with CDT, but we are five zero one c three. We are. A lot of times, and that is a tax deductible donation if you donate to us. But if you donate to a five zero one c four, not tax deductible, can you tell people the difference and that I think a lot of people are seeing that a little bit too with, like, political stuff right now. You know? So they may be a little aware, but not quite know what the difference is and why there is a distinction. There's there's different nitty gritty nuances to it, but the overall is, five zero one c threes are charitable organizations,
nonprofits like ours, foundations, churches, universities, hospitals, things you might not think of charitable organizations, but are the NFL. Five zero one c fours tend to be, membership organizations, trade association, unions, and the big distinction is, five zero one c fours tend to do a lot more lobbying. And that's usually why their membership their donations aren't tax deductible because they're going towards you know, whether that's right or wrong, I don't know. I always, one of my mentors already always said that lobbying is the trafficking of information. And I think five zero one c threes have just as much right to, put forth their their, opinions and positions on things without being penalized for it. But that's just a personal opinion, not one of CDTs.
Well, on that note, definitely don't give CDT a call if you wanna find out who we're endorsing for president or any political office because we don't do endorsements because of our c three status. So what about your goals for the the team now? You've been here for a bit, you know, stabilized, you love it, you're happy. Yep. Very happy. What are your goals for the development team?
So I again, I I'd like to look at the bigger picture. I've been working a lot recently with our project directors and our project teams and trying to get them to think a little bigger, and not just not just to raise more money, but I what I wanna do is take projects, and figure out how to fund pieces of them. And, again, this I will say this over and over again. It it all goes back to making the greatest impact. So instead of having kind of a one off project here, a one off project there, really trying to tie together, not just the projects within the teams, but the teams themselves, and to figure out how we can, raise money, even if a project is half a million dollars or a million dollars, in order to really have an impact in the work we're doing. That's great. You are pretty core to this organization, aren't you? I would like to think so. And definitely moving forward.
So last question for you, we have lots of interns here at CDT. You actually have an intern. I do have a great intern. Which is wonderful. Any advice for someone, considering a career in nonprofit fundraising?
I think a lot of people see fundraising and development as scary work, and having to, you know, ask for money can be a little scary. And that's why I don't like to think about it as, money centric or money focused because what you're really trying to do is is solve big problems. And when you think of it that way and you think of what's needed in order to solve those problems, money is just one thing. So what you're trying to do is much bigger than asking somebody for money. And then I also say that, people do wanna give. They wanna help in ways they can and people who had that's why foundations exist. That's why corporations have CSR programs. So it's not people also want to be involved. And if you if they say no, no harm, no foul, nobody's gonna hate you for asking. Nobody's never gonna talk to you again because you've asked. And once you get used to that rejection and get used to get used to those no's, you get stronger and stronger in in the practice. It's also, you know, there's not a lot of people who go into development. So you're you will also be a, a rarity and and that's always something good in the job market. Oh my goodness. Market. Oh my goodness. This is kind of important to us. Not at all. Make sure you're happy. Otherwise, you're gonna put yourself on the market and be okay. I have big plans here. So it's gonna take a couple years at least.
Well, great having you on on the show. Thank you so much for all you do. Thank you. And again, since we have Avion, thank you so much to all our sponsors, supporters, funders, and if you'd like to be one, you can
easily text 16
to make a donation. Wow. That is such a fancy feature. I know. Or just reach out via email. Yes. All right. Thank you so much, Abby. Thanks, Brian. That's it it for this episode of Tech Talk. Be sure to visit CDT's website, cdt.org, for more information on our current policy efforts. And certainly feel free to visit that donation page. I'm Brian Wasilowski, and as always, thanks for listening.
